I’m reminded over and over again that I’m not where I want to be, that things are completely different, that the life has become a lie.
But I can’t live without it. I need to lie to myself to get through the fucking day.
---
6:45 a.m. I woke up to a gentle nudge on my shoulder. "Trungy! It's time to get up!" An alarm clock I could ignore. A dino, not as easy. “Crane?”
"Ten more minutes," I groaned, rolling up in the sudden extra amount of space.
"Trungy," More insistently. I whimpered in response. Fine. I’ll get up.
Relenting, I popped up from underneath the comforter. Rubbing the stardust out of my eyes, I left a peck on Dino’s cheek before hopping through the mess that was his floor. I threw a shirt over my sticky back. It was the black In the Groove shirt. Oh well. I’ll change when I get there.
8:00 a.m. – 12:45 p.m. A good half hour past our intended departure time, we found ourselves by the garage, backpacks in hand, feet in our shoes. Dino’s parents were ready to send us off. A peck and some words here, I stood awkwardly behind him. Dino’s mom came up to me, hugged me tight and whispered something in my ear.
“Take care of him.” She gave me a soft smile. I nodded. There was nothing else I wanted to do more.
On the drive, we recollected old memories about Breakthrough to keep ourselves awake. Every now and then, I would try to sneak in a ‘who would you rather do?’ question, but those were met by groans of disapproval. We’d drive by a cow or a horse and I pointed out each one of them.
As the pungent scent of the Central Valley begins to circulate through the car, I ask, “Dino, did you beep?” full well knowing the answer.
He gave the expected response, followed by me grabbing one of Dino’s mom’s cakes wrapped in some plastic. I hold it up to Dino’s nostrils while we drive through the stinky cow territory.
The drive is always my favorite. I liked watching the scenery and holding Dino’s hand. These are times where we just talked about anything and everything.
7:45 p.m. Everything is packed away in my dorm room. Number 360. The night is still young, though, so Dino and I decide to venture off to a mall that we haven’t been to: Koreatown Galleria.
“Asian shit?” Dino complains.
“But it’s the only one that’ll be open past 9! Besides, the ITG machine is broken here and—“
“Okay we’ll go. But not because of the ITG machine being broken. I don’t care about that.”
I quickly scribble down directions. We were off in minutes. Not before Dino checked his hair, and made a few faces in the mirror, though.
8:30 p.m. The cute Korean gift shop caught my eye as I ran toward it.
“Dino, look!” I pointed. “It’s a donut! It's as big as my head! It's for you! Let’s go in.” I went inside, looking for other fun things to point out.
“Why are they selling pills in here?” I pick one up and show it to Dino. “Teaching kids how to abuse medication. Typical LA.”
“I think you need a new steering wheel cover.” Of course he doesn’t. I just thought they looked ridiculous.
“Mmmmmhmmm. You know she got junk in her trunk!”
And of course, no visit to a shop would be complete without a dino reference. I just pick it up and show it to Dino in awe.
“Dino, can we buy it?!”
“Trungy, no! What is it anyway? You won’t even use it.”
“But there are dinos on it.”
“Silly Trungy. Put it back!”
I put it back. We leave the gift shop empty-handed but with new inside jokes. The next stop, of course, is the food court.
We ordered dumplings and steak fried rice. As soon as we get the order, Dino starts to calculate.
“Trungy, I can finish each one of these in one bite. How many are you going to have? There should be enough for five dumplings each.”
“Hungry Dino. I think I’ll have three.”
“Okay, good.”
Of course, I end up eating four but I give Dino the rest of the rice to compensate.
11:24 p.m. “Dino! Let’s watch a myth arc. We can finish it when we move everything into your apartment tomorrow.”
I popped in X-Files into my laptop. I insisted on watching a myth arc, even though I knew I never stay awake during them. That was okay, though. I can rewatch anything I missed tomorrow night. Or the night after. Or the night after that. I had a few days in Irvine to look forward to after this.
As the credits played and Mulder and Scully embarked on their adventure, I wrapped my arm around Dino’s middle and rest my head against his side, kissing the fabric of his shirt. Snuggling close, I mutter a quick “I love you, Dino.”
“Love you too, Trungy,” the warm response.
I close my eyes.
I wake up. The first thing I see is my laundry basket heaped full of disheveled clothing. I grasp around me. My curtains. My comforter. My room.
Oh god. I shoot up. I’m in my room and I’m alone. Alone. I look at the clock. It’s 6:45 a.m. I’m supposed to leave for LA in half an hour.
Reality is a painful slap across the face.
What really happened?
I tried to distract myself herbally throughout the car ride but the good feelings lasted only two minutes before a reminder of everything I lost hit me.
My sister, her friend, and I went to Melrose. I left empty-handed. We went to my dorms. I threw everything in the room and shut the door. We went to Koreatown. I left the store every ten minutes because I saw something that would trigger tears.
But mostly, I slept throughout most of my trip back down because I couldn’t take being awake. I dreamt and relived the last night I saw you, the embrace, the tears. The last time I told you I loved you. The last time I saw my Dino.
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