snow

i can't believe i'm here. so many familiar faces. great to see you. how are you. yeah im good. waiting on a couple of job offers to go through. those your kids? thats adorable. ha its so crazy right? i didnt think itd ever happen either.

god we're so old.

bowties. on the people.

remember. smile. shake some hands. take some pictures.

music's going. ha. classic tune. everyone's getting up and dancing. of course. gotta do the same. its fun. first smile in a while.

i wonder when the last time this was listened to. il est temps.

sit down. the stars of the show are coming.

ha everyone's matching in different ways.

of course, wouldn't expect anything less.

more familiar faces. some not so familiar. some only familiar on the internet after clicking. browsing.

then the stars. la raison d'etre.

both look good. but there goes that sharp feeling again. o god. why. i told myself no. i never really know what to call it. its sharp but its empty too. i just know it makes me lose my breath.

recall a dead little dream ten years ago.

and im lost. gotta get up. gotta go.

turn off the camera. hey i gotta go to the bathroom. ill be back.

i can't stay for long.

wish i did the right things.

wish i said the wrong ones.

wishes. wishes.

oh yeah. gotta drop it off. forgot to leave the package on the table of gifts. ok not too painful. dont look at me. im just going to the bathroom. sorry for interrupting.

i know what theyre thinking. and theyre right. i cant go back.

its a snowglobe. small. didnt cost more than 15 dollars.

and leave.

what am i doing.

im so sorry i ever came.

this is so depressing. im in one of the stalls. i should go. or something

.

its so dirty in here. who etched their number on the wall? thats pretty funny. ok im going to my car. i remember how to drive back home right?

oh god its her. why is she here? smile. swallow. think about something fun and cute. like puppies.

i never took care of dogs too well.

no im okay. yeah really. im just gonna go to the car real quick and get something. ill be back. you should be back inside. you of all people. dont worry about me, seriously. thanks though. no no ill be back. really.

ok im losing it. hurry up and walk into the car. its so hot today. i want to get this fucking jacket off me. get this fucking fabric off my skin.

there it goes. its not enough. its like being in a straight jacket. untucking the shirt. undoing hours of getting ready.

my hands are on the wheel now. im glad i didnt bring anyone.

ok keys are in. cant turn back now. but i kinda do want to. to stay all the way through.

no. cant do it.

backing up.

drive away. from the little chapel.

sorry