:(

I haven't been taking any pictures of anything here lately. I haven't had the motivation to take out my camera to do so.

I am having fun and there are things worth remembering, but it's hard with this hole in my heart. I have too much free time and in any instant that I find myself with an idle mind, there is a deep pang that shoots into my veins and right down into my stomach because I remember that you aren't there. You're so far away from me now; even though we talk as much as we can, everything I see reminds me how much I'd rather be with you.

I feel like a fool.

I saw a whale on the polo pocket of a stranger. There was a drawing of a dinosaur on the whiteboard of a friend's apartment I visited; there were stuffed dinosaurs in the UCLA store. A friend posted a video on his girlfriend's wall to show her his dorm. Someone named Brian shook my hand today. People are holding hands. A plane flew by. The evening star is the first star I see and I'm comforted in the fact that it's the same one you see and I'm reminded we're still on the same planet.

Even though it always feels like a light-year and more.

So I need to make myself a check list of things to remember to remind me that we're still on the same planet when the smog is covering up the stars and the tears are welling up.

• I need to remember to take only half the amount of food I normally take because you aren't there to finish the rest.
• I need to remember to not skip my meal swipes because I'd want to save them in the hopes that you'd come to visit.
• I need to remember that all fraternities have agendas and I shouldn't rush simply because I want someone to cry to.
• I need to remember that I am not a broken record and my only lyrics cannot be sad.
• I need to remember to tell myself why I'm in college: to learn, to grow.
  
• I need to remember that I cannot want to transfer to another college simply because of the distance.
  
• I need to remember to get involved and not fear I'll miss your call.
• I need to remember to not prolong our calls to the point that I struggle to come up with topics, only because I want to hear your voice even if its getting frustrated with me.
• I need to remember who I am.
• I need to remember that you love me and wouldn't jeopardize that.

Every morning I wrestle my soul and body.

But I'm losing because I feel incomplete.

Day 29

This being the last week in San Jose, I've been trying to milk it as much as possible; that is, I've been with Brian approximately 10 hours of the day, everyday. While a good portion of our togetherness is spent cuddling in bed, we sometimes go out to see the sunlight.

Today, for example, we went out to a bunch of plazas in search of a pair of dress shoes and sandals for Brian's college needs. Looking for sandals shouldn't be hard...unless you're trying to find non-thong sandals. We traveled to three different plazas in search of sandals and eventually found some at Sports Authority for a whopping twenty bucks. Ridiculous, in my opinion, but they were Nike. Sure.

Anyway, in the plaza where Sports Authority lay, we found a little Fish n' Chips shop. Much fish-and-chip consumption thereby occurred.

Well, I actually got a chicken sandwich and Brian got a fish sandwich. Pictured to the side is my chicken sandwich, with the fries smothered in tartar and ketchup (I like my disgusting condiments; in fact, I feel most foods are simply vehicles to deliver condiments).

Later on, with full bellies and the daunting prospect of dinner ahead (steak, sausage, and fries...damn, should have skipped the fish and chips), we passed by a new Nob Hill on Santa Teresa. For the past month that its been ready, we told ourselves that we'd visit but we'd remember just as we passed by. This is the first time we actually followed through. Cross that off the list and all we've got left to do to complete the Gay Agenda is to convince the world that Crocs are a blasphemy. Yes, the world is clearly ours. Surrender your tube socks!

We bought some ice cream: Ben & Jerry's Fossil Fuel. I bought it for the Dino-bits. It's still sitting in Brian's freezer, untouched.

Day 14 - Day 28

After this post, I should be caught up. Enjoy September! I know I sure have.

Day 014



Park by Brian's. It was only about 7, but it was already getting dark. We go here often because of the lush greenery, though you can barely see it here. It truly is a Suburban paradise.

Day 015



It's amazing what the human body can accomplish. I managed to catch this while Brian was at full air.


Day 016



Brian wanted to take some *~serious~* photos to make an X-files poster for his dorm room. We ended up taking over 40 pictures because of my crappy photography skills.

Day 017




That's me in the photo. Brian wanted to take some photos with a spooky/supernatural feeling to them. This is the result.

Day 018



On the way to Stockton, we came across beautiful hills and windmills. I had to resist the urge to run out of the 4runner and roll down the hills. It didn't help that we were in intense traffic.

Day 019



After a three hour drive, we arrived at Caswell, our campsite. It wasn't bad...after it got dark. During the day, there was absolutely no shade and the bugs were relentless. The plus side was that our site was right across the bathroom.

Although, that just meant we were disturbed by flashlights during the night as piss-ridden campers stumbled their ways here.

Day 020



The fire took forever to ignite. Three paper plates, three logs, and seven pieces of kindling was sacrificed in the quest to sustain a fire.

Day 021



Poor lizard. It was caught by Huy. He tried to feed it a piece of shrimp but it only stared at it. That's probably because it was half the size of the creature.

Day 022



Eastridge, flagship mall of East Side, and one of the more ghetto malls in San Jose. A year of working at the Hollister here has left me unwilling to come back. Ever.

Day 023



Peter and Brian sitting outside Barnes & Noble. We were celebrating our ninth monthiversary at Red Robin's. Why celebrate? One month = one year in gay time. So Brian and I have been together longer than most celebrity marriages. Fo reals.

Day 024



Blossom Hill Crossroads. They ended up buying none of the clothes we bought in. Nothing from the four bags we brought in. NOTHING.

Day 025



We found this lovely corner of a kitchen at Home Depot and decided to claim it.

Day 026



El Amigo was a lovely colorful surprise in the middle of an otherwise dilapidated plaza.

Day 027



Brian and I made some croque-madames (grilled ham & cheese sandwiches with a fried egg on top.) They were as delicious as they looked. In other words, they were godly.

Day 028



First time going to Fuz (gay event) at the Abyss. It was pretty awesome: we met up with a bunch of friends, danced for four hours straight, suffered dehydration and sore backs, but most of all, we met these crazy ass drag queens. Or I don't know what to categorize them. I just know I wouldn't want to run into them in a dark alley, lest my unfashionable self be torn to shreds by their fierce, five-inch fingernails.